it feels really wrong....so it cant be over.

hes sick again


:'(

i said the most desperate prayer of my life last night.


i really wish god could help me make the right decision.

were on a break.




I dont know if this will help.

Fuck i have not written in a long time..life is just such a bunch of fucking bullshit..i mean i don't care that much about ANYTHING except scott...and what if i can't have him forever? I'm not a fuckinngggg emo girl. I just am like GAH..life is just bullshit. The world Disgusts me..fucking people are so FUCKING lame. Its ridiculus..yesterday at my friends temple some idiots painted nazi signs all over it...on holocaust rememberance day. Those fucking retards..god dammit.

What if this whole mess has to do with our relationship...what the fuck is going on..?

I feel insane. I have no idea why..i had an anxiety attack at school today and i fell over in the hall. No one thinks this is a big deal. No one takes me seriously except scott. I don't blame them..considering the way i was last year...

Is it right to do what I'm going to do?


I mean I would never commit suicide...but why and i feeling like this? Maybe God is trying to tell me something...i think god exists all the sudden. Should i pick up religion??

Don't be worried about me.

I have so many questions.

I want answers.

WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?

birth control is rad.

So the rules are, once you've been tagged, you have to write a blog with 6 "weird facts/things/habits about yourself", saying who tagged you. In the end you need to choose the 6 people to be tagged and list their names. No tag backs.

1. I LOVE LOVE LOVE techno
2. I cant wait for my dad to die
3.I have a weird fascination with drugs, although i quit them
4. I love the smell of skunks
5. I love to kiss Scott on the nose =)
6. I sometimes snort when i laugh... often

I tag carlee, caroline, annie, emily, joyce, and tamsyn

last night i got some gauges for my ears, they are a size ten. i am moving up from a normal ear pericing to them so it might take awhile for them to heal.

anyways, its early.. i can barely function

i had lots of fun with scott yesterday =) and tomorrow is our 4 month anniversary!

the day after that is the 4 year anniversary of my moms death

OH YEAH AND TOMORROW IS THE DAY KURT COBAIN DIED

yeahh

sounds like a good week? =)

well last night was uhmazing like usuall times with scott =)

he is comeing over and we are going to spend some quality time with my family hhahaha that should be interesting.

anyways looks like we have a fun day ahead of us.

well scott and i broke up... but it was like a big misunderstanding and we are great now =)

we have had so much fun the last two days!! yay!! hes an amazing boy =) nothing can bring us apart... we are a very strong couple we have gone through ALOT and still are completley in love.

we went to soccer and it was grand. i sucked. i think im okay with caroline... shes going through some shit and i need to help her.. i would be a bitch if i didnt.

anyways, so far, GREAT weekend!

we're on a break...

i HATE my grandmother. with a passion.

she is ruinging me.

well scott isn't coming..
excuse me while i lock myself in the bathroom and cry

well im at school and this morning sucked alot
my grandma hit me.. hard and its bruising =(
fuck it
i hate school so much BUT scott is coming to see me here at ten!!! yay!!!
im excited for that since i cant see him after school today
oh yeah and i was supposed to go the the btbam show WITH HASTE THE DAY WHO IS LIKE MY FAVORITE BAND
god damnit but i might be grounded hopefully i can talk my grandma into letting me go i think i can
i dont know why she got so mad at me i didnt do ANYHTING to her
jesus no matter where i live i will always get something bad out of it
i wish i could move in with scott =)
that would be the bestest!
anywayssss he is coming soon im excited =D

nothing unusual happened this morning
my grandma woke me up
grounded me for NO REASON
and ruined another day of my life
stab me please.

i am really depressed about the way the world is right now
i mean there was a pop up on my computer for rape porn.. like pictures of girls getting raped..
wtf is wrong with people...jesus christ
oh and some guy said something very rude to me today while i was with my brother.
the world is so fucked up.. i hate my dad so much i cannot explain to you.

dad, i dont think anyone could ever hate you for what you did to us as much as i do.

i will write about my day later...


but this song is choking me up. avril lavinge is COOL! ha..

dont make fun of meeeee

haha the reason i have not been updating as frequently is because i go tthe sims2 and im addicted. i cant sto playing it! ha...

i get so attatched to the people in it, that when they die i am sad. its funny.

well i saw my boy today and we had lots of fun. his dad is so mean though..i was offended =(

but that doesnt matter we talked to his mom about it and everythings okay. i loooooveee scott.

Dear Dad,

I hate you. Kill yourself please. You suck. You are worthless.

Love, Sincerely,

Ashley.

well i didnt update yesterdayy

basically my weekend was pretty good except my grandma sucks so much i hate her.

i got the sims2 again and i am so addicted. its funny..like i want to get off but i cant.

i saw scott everyday this weekend and we had so much fun =) i love him so so much!

ashley v's mom went out of town so she stayed at my house the entire weekend and her mom is like a chef so she made me yummy food that i ate with in 5 minutes.

i have been so fuckin hungry lately hahahah its funny

anyways, good weekend.